He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
