There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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