She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
NoShamevember. You game?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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