I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
