i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
