the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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