i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
