Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
