ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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