Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
