I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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