let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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