She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
