Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
