you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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