I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
