I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
