so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
