lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You're so nebulous sometimes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
