In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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