did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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