jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
