i already hear my dad disowning me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
