I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
