Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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