Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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