i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
