Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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