Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
