I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
