i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
