Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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