I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
