My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
