after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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