omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
