i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
