well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
