So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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