If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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