My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
