Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
