My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
