I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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