I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
