my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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