I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
