Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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