I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
