If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
