Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
