Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
