she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she peed on how many people?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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