I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It all started with a game of naked twister.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
