Define "chronic" masturbator.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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