She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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