I can't breathe out the right side of my face
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
