Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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