I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
