i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
