weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
