happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
