someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
