I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
