i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
