theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
