I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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