very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
