maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
