His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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